Um....What?
From what I skimmed, one underlying theme is that many groups of people are "disfavored" by the gods, including Italians, Africans/African-Americans, and disabled people. The comment starts out telling me that "You [disabled people] are all disfavored. You may have been evil/preditory in your last life and this disability is how they are punishing you." This supposed origin of my disability is actually sensible compared to the rest of the comment's message.
Throughout the comment, this person rants about things ranging from the Straight of Gibralter, to "Hurricane Boss The Horrible," to why the gods ensured Greenland would be a Dutch colony, to llamas, to artificial intelligence, to The Simpsons ("what would Flanders do?" .... "Count on very few being saved, and those whom were are the Ned Flanders rather than the Homer Simpsons.") I get the impression it was either written or edited recently because very current events are also referenced throughout.
Additionally, the author momentarily interrupts his diatribe to "yell" at someone (the computer? the gods?) for cheating/interfering with his message getting across: "You suck CHEATER. You are CHEATING too hard. This is unreasonable and, considering the importance of this event, irrational. Now that the disfavored's time has come you are employing every tactic in your arsenal to prevent progress." He also sprinkled hints throughout the comment that direct me to find sound files which "represent the pinnicle of what [he] teaches." Although I did find the link to his website, I think I'll hold off on the audio book until I've grasped the introductory messages first. For example:
* "You had an experience as a girl. The gods bestowed wisdom. Unfortuntely you didn't pray, were insincere or prayed to Jesus. My advice is try to remmeber this event, for it is one of the advantages of being female. This painful experience was the gods trying to help you understand the right way to think. Try to pick up where you left off."
* "All (most) the Italians of the 20th century are here on Earth NOW!!!! Aren't they?Or they will be here for the next revelry cycle, beginning in 2010. Admit it."
* "If you were CREATED and SENT DOWN to replace your real then you are a clone. Many people who were convinced they are clones don't remember, the don't know FOR SURE. There are many tactics they employ to deceive the disfavored::::The gods will make someone forget, "reincarnate" them in their own bodies and convince them they are brand new clones all in one night's sleep."
* "I know this sucks, for this is a complex topic, but ... I think I explain things quite accurately in the above paragraphs."
* "Good health displays favor of the gods. Those who (re-)earn god's favor don't have to engage in many of life's unpleasant tasks:::::
1. Using the bathroom
2. Monthly "visitor"
3. Brushing your teeth (bad for your teeth)
4. Exercise
5. Sex (females only)
6. Housework
7.
8.
99.
100.
Only the disfavored eat. Only the disfavored use the toilet. Only the disfavored get their 'monthly visitor'."
* "Understand they instruct the computer to 'role play' in an attempt to confuse you:::it's ALWAYS the computer addressing you."
* "Since Sluts take my mind I am not allowed to help the disfavored telepathically, the real opportunity to make progress."
* "They shared with me a number of '4.6%.' This 4.6% may refer to my effectiveness or perhaps the overall save rate."
* "Don't let receiving this document corrupt you. They may tell people that because I spammed them they are 'in', either because they can 'claim' me or because they are a part of the Situation."
Let's be reasonable, as special and cool and amazing as I am, no one's going to sit down and write a book for me, even if they were worried about me being a clone and not knowing it. So, who else out there was chosen to receive this important message? Does it mean we've "re-earned" the gods' "favor?" And do we really have to become celibate and stop brushing our teeth now?
Hopefully this guy's going to do NaNoWriMo, otherwise it would be a complete waste of 54,008 words. Since he's so far ahead of the deadline, maybe he could use the remaining time to do some major proofreading and a little extra plot development--perhaps a little less about the Italians, and a little more about "marrying a dead-ringer for a transsexual."
Posted by Girl, Dislocated at 02:43
19 Comments:
Ahhhh - good grief - it's people like that who swing the bell curve in my favour and make me appear sane!
By 
rizlablue, at
07:24
Wow!
Can you email that to me? I have to read this!
By Avitable, at
07:35
Just love your blog. Thanks!
By RobandWend, at
09:02
Riz - It's a good feeling to read something like this when you're wondering if you're losing it, isn't it?
Avitable - I just did. All I can say is, you asked for it!
Robandwend - Thank you, but Mr. Anonymous deserves the credit for this post! :-P
By Girl, Dislocated, at
11:04
And I thought I was a nut job magnet.
This one takes the cake.
By Miss Ann Thrope, at
11:36
Awww... Now I'm not special any more... I got that maybe last night? Unfortunately I got the abridged version.
By 
Nickie, at
12:09
Uh, er um . . . I'm uh . . . speechless. As it seems Anonymous isn't. SO WEIRD!
By Kateastrophe, at
13:20
Hahahahahahaha. That is all.
By Orpheus, at
20:16
Miss Ann - Maybe you'll be his next stop!
Nickie - The abridged version? Well, that's no fun. I'm sure you missed out on A LOT.
Kateastrophe - Who knows if he had even more to say but got cut off by some kind of comment length limit.
Orpheus - I concur.
Avitable - Did you actually read it? And are you alright?
By Girl, Dislocated, at
01:08
oh.... my. oh my. initially i felt bad for you, like "god, even when people are complete nutjobs it still isn't pleasant to read attacky stuff like that." that quickly morphed in feeling bad for HIM, because OH MY GOD, and also HAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaasnort i can't wait until i'm favored enough to no longer have to pee. or have sex (females only).
By Alice, at
10:29
Alice - You should definitely feel bad for HIM. Can you imagine having to keep track of all of that in your head???
By Girl, Dislocated, at
10:55
Holy Moly
By GivnN2Temptation, at
14:21
Okay, I giggled to myself throughout this whole post, but then laughed out loud when I got to 5. Sex (females only).
I think this guy watches way too many 30 minute sitcoms! I just hope I don't re-earn god's favor any time soon, or Colby is going to be VERY disappointed on the honeymoon...
By Angela, at
15:34
GivnN2Temptation - Indeed!
Angela - He ALMOST had me convinced... but that #5? I don't think so! I'll stay disfavored, thank you very much.
I'm very glad you plan on staying disfavored too. Otherwise Colby might come after me for putting the idea into your head when the honeymoon doesn't go as planned!
By Girl, Dislocated, at
23:28
I received something similar to that but I just had to delete it coz I thought it was a spam since the comment was irrelevant to my post!
By chase, at
22:08
That's so strange! I would have thought it was spam too, but there were sections in it that specifically addressed things I'd posted. Maybe the guy's just so nuts that anything he writes comes out like spam!
By Girl, Dislocated, at
23:25
Oh. My. God. What have I missed out on? That's freakin' insane! I can't believe someone actually wrote you that seriously...maybe it was a joke?
But...there is that popular Christian book for kids called Nobody poops but you, and it's evil coming out of your anus... (or something like that).
W-O-W.
Some people!
By Sarcastica, at
23:38
I don't know if it's a joke, but Anonymous is apparently still visiting my blog.
And that's seriously the name of a children's book? How did I never hear of it before?!
By Girl, Dislocated, at
01:15
Jesus! What a nutbar!! I feel kind of good about my mental state after reading it, though. Is that bad? lol
By Anais Nin, at
14:23
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