Misadventures in Egypt: Candlelit memories
First, some current travel news:
Saturday should have been spent in New York City with my sister, but my permission to take her to NYC was randomly and mysteriously revoked by our parents. I was going to go alone, but I didn’t have “permission” to do that either--which makes even less sense when you stop to consider the fact that I’m 24 years old. I could’ve ignored them and gone on this much needed excursion anyway, but as it is, I've already reached the limits of my drama tolerance threshold and figured it would be better in the long run if I didn't do anything to instigate more of it. Instead, I’m aiming for a solo trip next weekend, and a trip with my sister when things settle down around here. Or after she turns 18.
In other potentially brighter news, I’m currently internet dating. Well, not really, but that’s what Kate from Walking Kateastrophe hilariously compared our efforts to arrange a meet-up to. I was actually the one who did the "asking out." For weeks, I mulled over the possibility that she'd think I was a weirdo or laugh mockingly at my suggestion that she would want to hang out with me--not that she’s a snob or anything, that's just the reaction I expect by default. Finally, I bit the bullet and emailed her to ask if she wanted to meet up while I was in her part of the country next month. I braced myself for rejection when I saw her reply in my inbox, but to my amazement, she said yes! So, we’ve spent almost a week emailing back and forth about our schedules. Then this weekend she was like, "So um. . . I don‘t know your name." That's because I'm socially retarded. I’m an anonymous blogger and all, but come on, you’d think in the course of asking someone to meet up it would occur to me to tell the person my name. Could I be a bigger idiot? Probably, yes. (Hopefully not on our first date though.)
Now it's time for another installment of my Misadventures in Egypt odyssey, because it would be nice to get to the end sometime this decade. This one’s going to be relatively short though, since my calendar consists entirely of application deadlines, and my recent self-inflicted corneal abrasions (not a good time) have been somewhat of a setback. Powdered coffee creamer is the devil in a flip-top container.
In case you missed it or have forgotten some of the recurring themes, my first two days in Egypt can be summarized as follows: unceasing harassment from family members about finding a husband beginning roughly two seconds after I stepped off the plane, freezing my butt off because there’s no such thing as indoor heating in Egypt, taking a confusing train ride to the small town/village where one of my cousins got engaged to a man she'd met just two weeks prior, and leaving the engagement in a taxi with my aunt and grandmother. The ensuing taxi ride currently holds the title of Worst Taxi Ride Ever in my book. This is not a permanent designation mind you, because in my life the term "worst ever" is constantly redefined in new and exciting ways, but I have a feeling the title will stick for a while. First, I got felt up by the driver. Then, thanks to my retaliation and a comment my aunt made, we got to listen to him yell religious slurs at us until his anti-Christian tirade was cut short by us colliding with another car. My aunt and grandmother were unharmed, and aside from a couple joint dislocations on my left side and a small cut on my forehead, I was fine too (at least according to my definition of "fine.") Naturally, we decided to complete our journey on foot rather than call someone to pick us up. Yeah, because it’s not weird at all to climb out of the wreckage of a car and wander the streets at 1 o’clock in the morning.
As we dragged ourselves up the stairs to the apartment, we could hear the phone ringing off the hook inside. My aunt, thinking someone was freaking out because we weren’t home yet, climbed ahead so she could get the phone. It turned out to be one of my uncles calling to tell us not to freak out because he was late getting home. Apparently, he and his family had an interesting drive home as well: they got a flat tire halfway to their apartment. While my aunt and uncle compared horror stories, my grandmother and I started getting ready for bed, only to discover that there was no running water in her apartment. The second she commented that it wasn’t a big deal because we were going to bed anyway, the power went out too. Being used to power outages, my grandmother had no trouble finding her matches and candles. My aunt wanted us to spend the night at her nearby apartment instead, but my grandmother and I were both of the opinion that even if we weren’t too sore to make our way back down the stairs, we were better off staying put, rather than pressing our crappy luck by attempting to do anything or go anywhere else that night.
Actually, my aunt wasn’t going anywhere either. Just before she could head out, while we were getting ready to blow out the candles and go to sleep, someone started pounding on my grandmother’s door. It was major déjà vu for me, except without the nakedness, shampoo, and 4-inch heels this time around. We tried looking through the peephole, but it was like looking into a black hole because the light bulb in the stairwell, like every other light in the building, was out. The person at the door started yelling, "Open this door!" and wouldn’t answer when we yelled back, "What do you want?!" We went back and forth--
"Open this door!"
"What do you want?!"
"OPEN THIS DOOR!"
"WHAT DO YOU WANT?!"
"OPEN THIS DOOR!!"
"WHAT DO YOU WANT?!!"
--until he finally stopped banging on the door and ran down the stairs… it may or may not have had something to do with me telling him that we all had tuberculosis and couldn't let anyone in.
There was no way any of us were going to open that door until it was daylight, so we went about re-dividing up the sleeping areas for three people instead of two, while my aunt and grandmother joked (I think) about sending me back to the U.S. to see if the "curse" would be lifted. My grandmother and I ended up sharing a bed, unfortunately for her. It was literally 50 degrees inside the apartment, and though the blankets served as some kind of insulation from the draft coming in through the wooden shutters, I was still shivering, which I’m sure shook the bed--in addition to completely counteracting the minimal effect of the naproxen and Tylenol I’d taken to make the left side of my body forget the crash. Despite the ruckus I was making with the chattering of my teeth, my shivering, and my continuous attempts to somehow find a "warmer" position to lay in, we both eventually drifted off to sleep. But not for very long.
Posted by Girl, Dislocated at 04:08
26 Comments:
I love your recaps so much. And it kills me to hear how restricted you are when you're with your parents.
By 
Avitable, at
10:28
Well obviously the person banging wanted you to open the door. Geez, you couldn't figure that out?
By Alison Wonderland, at
10:59
You are hilarious. I think everyone I know would want to hang out with you!!
LOVING the Egypt stuff. Seriously. It sounds exactly like something that would happen to me :)
By 
Kateastrophe, at
12:17
Oh, I am so jealous of you and Kate getting together! That will be so much fun--as long as you don't kill each other with your combined powers ;)
Did you ever find out what was going on with the person banging on the door? That is so mysterious, and more than just a little creepy!!
By Wickedly Scarlett, at
12:32
I probably wouldn't have been able to sleep after that. You have the best stories!
By Blinds, at
23:37
Avitable - Thanks, I'm glad you‘re enjoying them! And, yeah, my parents are killing me too, but I think the restrictions have always been the least difficult part of living with them. On the bright side, they are an endless source of comedy--when viewed from the right perspective. Some of my brother's friends can't get enough of the stories, and actually ask him for updates on our parents' latest antics whenever they see him.
Alison wonderland - Damn it! We could have really used you that night… :P
Kateastrophe - Aww, you‘re so sweet! (But don’t tell anyone if your assessment changes after we hang out, ok? :P)
I have no trouble whatsoever picturing you in these sort of predicaments. Glad you’re still liking the Egypt stuff, even though I’m posting at a snail’s pace!
Wickedly Scarlett - Why do you have to live in such a far away corner of the U.S.?? :( Well, maybe it’ll turn out to be a good thing because you’ll be at a safe distance from whatever calamity results from Kate and me being in the same place at once. Seriously, the risks involved in this meet up were not lost on me when I first emailed her! :P
As for the guy banging on the door, we never found out for sure who it was, but my aunt later guessed that it was the psychologically disturbed man who’s been wandering the streets of their town for the last couple years, constantly talking to himself and randomly yelling at strangers.
Blinds - It really should have creeped us out more, but exhaustion from the action-packed evening prevailed. Plus, there were three of us and only one of him!
By Girl, Dislocated, at
06:14
I have an idea - stay here and never go to Egypt again. This will work!
By RW, at
11:46
Sure that'll work, RW! It's not like I ever get into any kind of trouble here or anything. :P
By Girl, Dislocated, at
18:27
I think that guy is from the U.S., because he was knocking on my door one night when the power was out. During a blizzard. He pounded on my windows too. He's lucky I didn't own any firearms then, though looking back I probably should have considering where I was living.
By Nobody™, at
21:39
First of all, I'm glad you were smart enough to not open that damn door. Scary.
Second, you, need, to, write, a, book. Plain and simple! :)
By 
theycallmecurlysue, at
16:35
Nobody - Had to be him. Who does that?!! I'm really glad he couldn't reach our windows, because that would have been even creepier.
Curly Sue - We were definitely curious as to who it was, but not enough to open the door during a power outage at like 2am.
As for me writing a book, that's an awesome compliment--thank you! I like the idea of writing a book, but I don't have anything to say that would interest enough people for a publisher to bother with me. Plus, there's the whole issue of not having the knowledge/education/training to be a writer! :P
By Girl, Dislocated, at
07:17
As usual, hilarious and more than mildly disconcerting. In terms of a book, which of the many, many themes would you want to tackle? B/c you've got a ton of stuff here, my friend. Seriously. And yes, your definition of "worst ever" does seem to constantly update itself...at least that gives you something to write about, no? :)
By Laurie, at
13:07
Laurie - I suppose I get into enough trouble to fill a couple hundred pages... maybe a good editor can make it seem less like verbal diarrhea and more like an actual book! :D
By Girl, Dislocated, at
04:56
It's amazing how much better my relationship with my parents is when I don't live with them.
By Tim, at
10:13
Amen! I've lived alone 3,000 miles away from them for the past 5 years, and staying here now has served as an excellent reminder of why I moved out.
Oh well, it's only a few more weeks! :)
By Girl, Dislocated, at
14:49
GAAAAAAAH i read this a WEEK ago but my stupid work computer doesn't allow me to comment (just on your blog! everyone else's is ok! wtf) but ANYWAY, what i've been wanting to say all this time:
WHAT THE HELL, DUDE! CLIFFHANGERS ARE MEAN! KEEP GOING!! :-)
By Alice, at
20:06
Hello! I found your site by a link on Coyote Mike's blog. He's a good friend of mine in "real" life.
So far I love your blog. You have a wonderful witty way of telling stories. I hope to read more!!
By SuvvyGirl, at
10:16
I must remember the tuberculosis excuse...
I wait with baited breath to see what further misfortune you found in Egypt.
By Liz, at
01:56
Alice - What's mean is your work computer discriminating against my blog!!! (But you're awesome for coming back and commenting from a different computer!) And I will keep going... eventually ;)
Suvvy girl - Hi! Thank you for reading--I'm glad you found amusement when you clicked over! :)
Liz - Oh yes, write that one down. TB will get you out of pretty much anything! ;)
By Girl, Dislocated, at
12:30
eeesh! Creepy man at the door! Good call for not letting him in... but seriously, what a weird night for you!
But also kinda funny... alright pretty damn funny!!
By BloodRedRoses, at
09:16
I'm nearly 48 and my parents STILL have that power.
Will you have 911 on speed dial for when you and Kate meet? *grin*
By rizlablue, at
19:35
Bloodredroses - Our level of creeped out-ness was probably limited by our level of tiredness due to all the stuff that happened that night. :P
Riz - Don't tell me that! Lie to me--tell me it ain't so!
And while I cringe at the thought of being the subject of a 911 call, I suppose it'll be wise to keep it on speed dial while we're hanging out. Come to think of it, maybe we'd better get the Federal Emergency Management Agency on speed dial as well! :P
By Girl, Dislocated, at
01:36
Babe . . . you need to hire a full time security service to follow you around. Not only to open the doors, but to fend off the relatives and taxi drivers :P
By coyotemike, at
21:13
Babe . . . you need to hire a full time security service to follow you around. Not only to open the doors, but to fend off the relatives and taxi drivers :P
By coyotemike, at
21:14
Girl, here's to counting the days down until you are free under your own roof again.
By yanub, at
01:23
Coyote Mike - My relatives would probably scare off the security service people!
Yanub - Amen. I'm going to feel so much better once I have an exact date to count down to!
By Girl, Dislocated, at
18:51
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