Phone Spam
“Who is this?”
“This is K., T. and L.’s friend.”
T. and L. are two acquaintances of mine who have been on a misguided mission to set me up with someone, and just the mention of their names told me what the phone call was probably about… All I could think was, I hope you have something--a newspaper subscription, life insurance, ANYTHING--to sell me because I did NOT just get dragged out of bed, subluxate my knee, and incur numerous bruises so I could be asked out on a blind date that I would never agree to. Sorry to say, it wasn’t some sort of telemarketing call. I politely explained to the caller that his friends were out of line and apologized that he’d been misled, but I am positively livid right now! Maybe sitting here fuming over a such a brief phone call is silly, but for many reasons, I have a very short fuse right now. To name a few:
--I’m tired. I got off work at 8am this morning, was at my other job by 9am, came home at 7pm, and have been trying to get a little sleep before I have to go back to work at midnight.
--Things are in a state of complete disarray at the moment. I am preoccupied, and to be perfectly honest, more than a little overwhelmed with a ton of family problems, with trying to make time-sensitive school decisions, and with trying not to let the former get in the way of the latter. (Also the reason why I’ve been an absentee blogger lately)
--My hips are currently a major source of pain. The pain radiates from my pelvis all the way down my thighs, and all the Aleve and Tylenol I’m taking isn’t doing much besides majorly irritating my stomach.
--The fact that T. and L. were outrageously out of line doesn‘t help either. Maybe I’m missing something, but I’m having trouble understanding what part of “don’t you dare give out my phone number” they didn’t comprehend.
T. and L. know I was in a serious long-term relationship, they know that it was a “bad” relationship, they know that I haven’t dated since I ended it, and they know that I emphatically refuse to have anything to do with men (in the romantic sense) anytime soon. However, they’re of the opinion that over a year of not dating is “too long,” and have taken it upon themselves to remedy the situation. So, thank you, T. and L. Thank you very much for this latest intervention, which could not have been more ill-timed or better coinciding with the current crapload of drama and my frayed nerves. Now I’m too pissed to go back to bed, which is unfortunate because my next opportunity to sleep won’t be until Sunday morning--and that's if I don’t have insomnia to contend with.
I’ll concede that I’ve been pretty vague with them about the unhealthy (read: abusive) nature of my relationship with my now ex, but I have made it abundantly clear that my current dating hiatus is non-negotiable, and I fail to see why I have to justify myself to them or anyone else. I really shouldn’t have to provide all the gory private details to get them to respect my decision. At the very least, if I explicitly tell you not to give out my phone number, is it too much to ask for you to, I don’t know…maybe not give out my number??? Just what the hell are you hoping to accomplish by doing that? I mean, I did mention that I DON’T WANT TO BE WITH ANYONE RIGHT NOW didn’t I? Yeah, I’m pretty sure I did. Repeatedly. And getting unwelcome calls from random guys at inconvenient times is not going to do a damn thing to change my mind. Nor will listening to you go on and on about how 24 is “too old” to have only had 1 boyfriend and how I “need” to find someone. What I really need is for you to shut the hell up and mind your own damn business, because I think I’d know better than anyone else when I'm ready to date again. (Like when I stop having nightmares about my ex, for starters.) Until then, if Jesus himself comes down from heaven to introduce me to a guy, it still ain’t happening. So make no mistake about it, I don’t care if you’ve known him since the cassette tape era, if he interned for Mother Theresa, if he's David Boreanaz's identical twin, or if he's a Nobel Prize winner--I'm not going out with him. Do. Not. Give. Him. My. Number.
Maybe you don’t think there’s any reason to respect my wishes, or that my opinion on the matter isn’t at all relevant, but what about the guys you’re trying to set me up with? Have you even stopped to think about what’s in store for them??? Nothing good, I promise. Which is yet another reason why I don’t want a boyfriend right now--because it wouldn’t be fair to him. I can’t yet trust myself at this point not to irrationally and unfairly misdirect all of the negative feelings I have towards my ex at someone else. As much as I hate to admit that about myself, it’s the truth, and it would be irresponsible of me to become involved knowing that. No good could possibly come of it, and you’d be an idiot as well as a bad friend to send any of your male friends my way right now.
You may be convinced that you could do a better job than me of running my personal life, but for women your age, you sure have some naïve misconceptions about relationships and happiness, and I’m not buying any of it. Nothing will ever convince me that happiness is contingent upon being attached, nor will I ever see the wisdom of placing my happiness in the hands of someone else.
Life isn’t some stupid romantic comedy, folks. No one’s going to come along and miraculously restore your faith in love and humanity just by being charming, persistent, romantic or whatever. It’s up to you alone to work through whatever issues you need to work through or to seek help doing so--it most certainly is not the job of some mythical knight in shining armor. And the way I see it, that’s a GOOD thing. Because right now I’m doing my best to glean something positive from that mess of a relationship, to hang on to the lessons I’ve learned from it, and to just brush off the rest. And when I’ve succeeded in getting myself mentally and emotionally where I want to be? I’ll have no one to credit for getting me there but MYSELF.
Posted by Girl, Dislocated at 22:33
29 Comments:
It's one thing for your Old World relatives to be pushing you into relationships. But your friends? And giving out your personal contact information to strangers? I'd be hostile, too. Especially if my sleep was disturbed.
I don't see how you'd have time for dating anyway, if you don't have time for sleeping. You are a dislocated girl with Things to Do, and those things don't include playing Mystery Date.
By 
yanub, at
01:08
Whether well-intentioned or not, it takes some special kind of stupid to go giving out personal info like that. You know the Mrs and I would be happy to provide you with a 24-hour security shield if we could.
By RW, at
02:27
Remember to stop and breathe BEFORE killing someone. ;)
Almost everyone who knows me knows that Very Bad Things can happen to good people if the phone wakes me up.
But giving your phone # out after you specifically told them not to - WRONG.
Want me to come over there and shove my big, black post-op boot up someone's butt for you? It'd be my pleasure!
Hey, I'm 24 and have NEVER had a boyfriend. YOU will know when you're ready to pursue another relationship, and everyone else can just shove it.
I think it's admirable that you want to sort your situation out before getting romantically involved with someone else. I know so many people who just bounce from person to person, without even thinking about it, which I think is shallow and unhealthy.
You are SO strong, and maybe someday you'll meet a guy who can see that, but until then, just keep doing what you know is right and what makes you happy.
By 
Ioma, at
03:26
My bad about commenting twice in a row and not remembering to put it in ONE comment: I'm so sorry to hear about your hip and leg pain. I know I'm sticking my nose where it might not belong, but you might want to get your lower back checked out. Lower back problems can cause pain in the hips and all the way down the legs.
I usually follow the "I don't even wanna know" method where I wait until something just falls off, but you don't want your entire lower body falling off!
By Ioma (again, sorry!), at
03:46
Oh dear, I'm sorry to hear about this, you're right it's a complete invasion of your privacy, even if your friends did have the best of intentions.
As for your hips, perhaps check your SI joint. Lie on your back on the floor if you can, if not your bed perhaps and in turn raise each knee to your chest. Rotate your hips out as far as they will go, gently and one at a time. Think holding your ankle above your stomach whilst you push your knee out type position.
If it is your SI joint you should get some relief that way, and you'll feel the movement/restriction in your hips and SI so you'll have a better idea.
Good luck, and I hope you get some sleep very soon, Hugs BG x
By BenefitScroungingScum, at
06:59
So I should return my shiny suit of armor?
Damn.
By Avitable, at
08:22
Friendship can be a real pain sometimes can't it. Giving out your personal number is way out of line. You really need to let them know that this does not make you a happy camper/blogger.
Hope your hips feel better soon.
By Not a Granny, at
10:08
G'morning feisty pants! I like you this way!! ;)
I hate it when people don't respect your wishes. Especially when it results in loss of sleep.
Beat 'em up.
By Kateastrophe, at
10:53
It sucks when friends just don't HEAR you. It sucks more that they gave personal info to a stranger. I can feel your anger and frustration coming through the monitor.
You need sleep. Sleep will help get back some better ability to cope with the crap that's going on in general. You need sleep!
Just a thought but...if Jesus comes and introduces you to a guy, maybe at least get his number and call him back, ya know?
By Miss Ann Thrope, at
14:58
I'm much agreed with the comment aboe regarding sleep. Sorry your friends were complete gits. Sometimes friends just don't get stuff no matter how plainly it's spelled out.
I'm sending you hugs and an epidural through the internet. then you won't have to feel anything from your waist down, it's great!!
By SuvvyGirl, at
15:03
Hey!
I hate to break it to you, but these girls aren't your real friends. If they were they would see your stress and respect your wishes, even if they don't agree.
Do yourself a favor, distance yourself from them and look for new friends. You don't have to ditch them completely, but put a wall up to prevent this kind of stuff. It won't stop, it's the type of people they are. I've met parents who do this kind of thing and it is even worse then, as it effects kids.
Anyway, sorry to hear you're feeling rotten. Good news is that it sounds like even though you've had some bad experiences (with men, family, and lets face it, your body) you seem to be learning a lot about yourself. You are right, only you can fix it and make changes. And only when you are ready to. You might only be 24, but you are an "old soul".
You're doing an awesome job doing just what you should be, worrying about YOU! The rest will fall in place in time. Just hang in there, and hope sleep comes before the next millenium. :)
By BugsMom, at
19:10
Yep, I'd be pretty pissed off, too. wtf were they thinking????? I'm sorry you're aching - doesn't help when ppl around you are being assholes
By rizlablue, at
07:11
There is one way to send the message to these "friends" Call the local pd (Not 911) file harassment charge...hehehe, if they don't get the point when an officer lets them know to leave you alone...Hey Girl...good luck and I hope that Sunday comes and you are able to sleep. Take care of yourself.
Chrissy
By , at
10:35
So how long have your friends been mad social scientists?
Gah, my jaw hit the FLOOR. The amount of casual cruelty involved in this is just amazing. Seriously, like you said, they're not just messing with you--they're messing with whatever guys they're sellking on you, who presumably they think are good guys. Double the selfish power play!
It's not like you're hiding in a shell to recover from your last relationship--you're out there, having a life (apparently more than these Mary Worth wannabes), dealing with people, sorting out your identity...you aren't waiting for squat. Except sleep.
By Carapace, at
07:38
1. Sleep deprivation = Hostility
2. Disrespect = Hostility
3. Abusive Ex = Hostility
Basically... you have EVERY right to feel hostile. I totally understand your sentiments about getting to that healthy place on your own after a bad relationship (been there, done that). You will absolutely know when you're ready and I hope that someone that deserves you calls you then (and obviously calls you after you, NOT your friends, have given him your number. Hah)
By Two Left Feet, at
09:01
Umm . . . .
*offers chocolates, fluffy pillows, a teddy bear, and an unlisted phone number*
By 
coyotemike, at
13:21
dude. bad enough your friends aren't listening, bad enough they gave your number to a random dude, but CALLING WHILE YOU'RE ASLEEP? that's the part that would turn me extra homicidal.
also, who the hell is this dude that is ok calling women he doesn't know?? i would never call some dude just because my friends gave me his number.
well... ok, maybe i would after a lot of drinks. DIFFERENT STORY.
By Alice, at
23:08
Just be careful. Great relationships have a way of sneaking up on you when you least expect it. You might find someday that the perfect somebody finds you and they'll take your breath away before you know what's going on. That's what happened to me anyway when I was in somewhat of your situation. And the thing about that is, it doesn't require your belief to happen, it chooses you whether you like it or not.
By Orpheus, at
02:21
Hey you! I was thinking about you today. We miss you!!!
By Kateastrophe, at
01:07
Hey - just checking that you're ok and haven't dislocated anything too critical.
We miss you x
By rizlablue, at
07:03
Hey... G.D.?
You still alive?
PLEASE don't tell me you fell out the window of a two storey bus or something... WE MISS YOU!!!!!!
By , at
10:17
Hey... G.D.?
You still alive?
PLEASE don't tell me you fell out the window of a two storey bus or something... WE MISS YOU!!!!!!
By , at
10:17
Hey... G.D.?
You still alive?
PLEASE don't tell me you fell out the window of a two storey bus or something... WE MISS YOU!!!!!!
By , at
10:17
Hey... G.D.?
You still alive?
PLEASE don't tell me you fell out the window of a two storey bus or something... WE MISS YOU!!!!!!
By , at
10:17
sorry about the 4 posts... my stupid compuer did weird things...
By , at
10:19
For some reason my reader acted like your site didn't exist anymore. I was sad :( I found you though and glad you are still up and running--a little. Sorry to hear about your friends doing that crazy crap---completely out of line and inappropriate. I don't blame you for being pissed as hell.
By theycallmecurlysue, at
01:24
Hey, I keep checking your blog and hoping to see a new post but so far no luck. I hope things are going well for you and that you'll soon find the time to post again, even if it is just to let us know you're still out there somewhere. I always enjoy your stories, here's hoping.
-Erik
By Erik, at
22:14
I was in a similar situation at your age and took a 2 yr break from men, after my first lover, due to same reasons.
I have to tell you though, those 2 yrs plus the 2 yrs with him, equalled 4 yrs out of my youthful dating life I later regretted.
Your friends are out of order, no question.
Take your break, but do not let Mr Abusive's inflicted demons rob you of too much youthful joy.
By UBERMOUTH, at
22:47
Your friends were very wrong. I have a suspicion that they are unaware of what real friendship is. Friends do not do things by surprise, not when they entail such personal details; that is why this is really out of line.
As to love... I have to agree with UBERMOUTH (lol at the name). I would say that, slowly, in the free moments of peace you have while driving through lights at night or breathing deeply on a breezy day (things I enjoy, at least), allow some simple contemplation of possibility.
There are some men in the world who do give a damn, and they can handle sitting with a seat between you. My girlfriend experienced somewhat similar turmoils, and I was set up with her. At first she kept parts of herself distant because of her past, but over the course of 2 and a half years, she has become a warm heart that I thoroughly enjoy being with; and so does she. Things are only getting better and better.
I am not telling you what to do. I'm only telling you this so you know that it exists, and more than once. Even a misanthropist like me is willing to admit that life always offers hope. Good luck to you. I hope you are fulfilled regardless of how your life continues.
By , at
02:49
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